Okay, so imagine you're at work, you know — that one place where you refill the coffee cup just to look busy. Now imagine your coworker suddenly needs to take an extended break, like, forever. That's basically what happened at an oil site in rural Colorado — except it turned out to be one of the most baffling cover-ups in recent true crime history.
The House of Bad Decisions
Christopher Watts, a Colorado family man with a not-so-family-man secret, decided to do something absolutely unfathomable in August 2018. He harmed his pregnant wife, Shanann, and their two little girls, Bella and Celeste, all inside their own home in Frederick, Colorado. Then he thought — and I cannot stress this enough — "Hmm, what's the best place to hide this?"
Most people hiding something would at least Google "good hiding spots" first. Chris, apparently, was more of a "wing it" guy. And by "wing it," I mean the worst possible choice anyone could imagine.
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The Oil Field undercover operation
Chris also worked for Anadarko Petroleum, and his daily commute took him to a remote oil well site called CERVI 319. This place was so isolated it makes a desert island look like Times Square — just dirt, tanks, and absolutely zero witnesses nearby. On the morning of August 14th, Chris loaded the bodies into his work truck and drove them out there.
Yes, you read that right — he used his own company vehicle for this. Anadarko was literally footing the gas bill for his getaway. Corporate America: funding bad decisions one mile per gallon at a time.
Audio of Chris Watts' murder confession released - CNN Video
A shallow grave and two oil tanks
Once at CERVI 319, he buried Shanann in a razor-thin shallow grave, like a guy in a hurry at a Wiener Beast competition where speed matters most. Then he took the two girls and — this is where it makes zero sense — he dropped their bodies into open oil holding tanks. The same equipment his coworkers would be servicing on a regular basis.
Let's pause: he chose work equipment hidden at his job site. If there's an award for "Least Considerate Criminal Planning," Chris Watts deserves a gold statue and an awkward speech. Someone clearly skipped every heist movie ever made.
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How did they find out?
After initially telling police Shanann was leaving him like she "packed up and left," Chris's story crumbled faster than a leftover sandwich left in the Arizona sun. The kids' school reported they hadn't shown up, and surveillance footage left zero wiggle room for his nonsense. Neighbors' doorbell cameras captured him shaking bags, loading the truck, and generally acting like he'd never seen a security camera before.
Within just a few days, investigators traced his path straight to CERVI 319. After a brief, intensely uncomfortable interrogation, Chris admitted where they were. So much for the greatest cover-up in Colorado oil history.
New evidence released in Chris Watts case | CNN
The takeaway (of sorts)
True crime thinking says "don't use your employer's property for obvious crimes." Common sense says "don't commit crimes." Chris apparently chose none of those lanes. The CERVI 319 site is permanently closed now — a grim reminder of what happened there and the astonishing incompetence of the man behind it.
The next time you're frustrated at your slow coworker, just remember: at least nobody at your office has done this. Go refill that coffee, bless your tiny little mundane job, and be delightfully boring today. Sometimes boring is absolutely perfect.