Seriously, thinking about packing up and heading to Oklahoma? Hold that U-Haul. Let me save you some trouble.
1. The Wind Will Change Your Life
Oklahoma winds aren't just breezy. They're violent. Your patio furniture will end up two counties over.
2. Tornado Season Is Not a Vacation
Imagine checking the forecast and seeing the word "funnel." Yeah, that's an actual Tuesday here. You'll learn to respect the sky whether you like it or not.
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3. Stripper Landing Strips, Anyone?
Yes, some Oklahoma strips are quite literally stripped. Oil industry leaves behind bare dirt roads lined with dust. Glamorous, right?
4. You Will GAIN Weight
Fried everything. Hideous portions. Gravy on each and every plate. Their state motto should be "Bigger Than Your Jeans."
10 Reasons NOT To Move To Oklahoma, Oklahoma City - YouTube
5. The "Sooner Spirit" Gets Old
Everyone chants "Boomer Sooner" like it's a personality trait. It's a football fight song, people. Calm down.
6. Boring Sunsets Because You Literally Can't See Anything
Sunsets there are drop-down gorgeous. Unfortunately, towering grain silos and oil rigs block about 75% of the view. Nature called, but assembly lines answered.
Warning! Top 10 Reasons NOT to Move to Oklahoma City - YouTube
7. Dating Is a Conveyor Belt
Oklahoma men love hunting. Oklahoma women-driven trucks have lipstick stains? OK, that's debatable. But the culture clash between city and country you'll meet here is wild.
8. You Will Be a Local Within 20 Minutes
Nobody here has a job title. Everyone farms, hunts, or does "something with oil" when asked. Try explaining your corporate career. Blank stares all around.
Top Ten Reasons NOT To Move To Oklahoma! Do You Eat Fruit? - YouTube
9. FAQ of Tourism Is Literally These
Want to go back to Point 1? "What interesting things will be here?" If you Google search them, you'll quickly run out of results. The state tourist board should just change to a shrug emoji.
10. HOT. DRY. AND LOUD.
Oklahoma summer equals an oven with no A/C ventilation. Hot, dusty, with no natural ocean breeze in sight. Staying outdoors will make you thirsty literally and figuratively — bars there will satisfy the second part.
So yeah, maybe skip Oklahoma. Or go have a blast anyway. The state will just laugh at you for broadcasting it. Either way, this has been fun.